On praying

Sometimes I can't find the words, so I grunt or squeal or cry or... steal someone else's words.

"Grant that I may pass through the coming year with a faithful heart.
There will be much to test me and to make weak my strength before the year ends. In my confusion I shall often say the word that is not true and do the thing of which I am ashamed. There will be errors of the mind and great inaccuracies of judgment which shall render me the victim of my own stupidities. In seeking the light, I shall again and again find myself walking in darkness. I shall mistake my light for Thy light and I shall shrink from the responsibility of the choice I make. All of these things, and more, will be true for me because I have not yet learned how to keep my hand in Thy hand.
Nevertheless, grant that I may pass through the coming year with a faithful heart. May I never give the approval of my heart to error, to falseness, to weakness, to vainglory, to sin. Though my days be marked with failures, stumblings, failings, let my spirit be free so that Thou mayest take it and redeem my moments in all the ways my needs reveal. Give me the quiet assurance of Thy Love and Thy Presence."

- Howard Thurman, "Meditations of the Heart", p. 96, emphases mine

Before the Third Day

On the Third Day, a few women found his tomb empty. They thought his body had been stolen. When in fact he was alive again. He has rebuilt the Temple, like he said he would.

On the Third Day, Love wins. My Lord has crushed death once and for all, and for all of us.

But before that Third Day came the first and the second. There was anguish in the garden. Betrayal by a kiss and denials before the rooster crows. Trials. Flogging. Abandonment. Separation. Mocking. Blood. Burial. Mourning. That's what it takes.

I believe the victory that the Third Day brought. But I know there's that first and second day; and somehow I am with my Lord and He is with me in those days also.

And so I eagerly wait. Oh, I wait.

A Birthday-related Thought

I turn 30 next month, ladies and gentlemen. THIRTY. Halfway to sixty.

Yes, I do have some typical thoughts of a still-single, student-again 30-year old woman. In case you can't imagine what they would be, they're along the lines of: "What do I have to show for my life?" "Yay! Closer to wrinkles and bad joints!" "Sigh. I still don't have a house a dog a husband a car!" "Should I start dressing my age?" Get the idea? But take courage, friends, I'm fighting the urge to dwell in the getting old part of this deal. This won't be that kind of post.

I'm writing to ask you, dear reader, for your ideas.

I want to celebrate. I don't want to throw just some party - been there, done that. Anyone can have drinks or go out to dinner any other happy time of the year. I survived another year, dammit. I should be thankful. I'm healthy, I have a roof over my head, I have friends here and there, I have a laptop, I don't worry about my next meal, I have so much!!

And so it struck me: I need to serve. Like, get my hands dirty so to speak. But I also want to be with friends, have them meet other friends, laugh drink eat, etc. just like what celebrations should entail. So, why not get my friends together and serve our community together?

Any ideas, thoughts? What activity should we do?

E-mail me or leave a comment.

This should be fun...

The Suffering Christ

"Prayer and action, therefore, can never be seen as contradictory or mutually exclusive. Prayer without action grows into powerless pietism, and action without prayer degenerates into questionable manipulation. If prayer leads us into a deeper unity with the compassionate Christ, it will always give rise to concrete acts of service. And if concrete acts of service do indeed lead us to a deeper solidarity with the poor, the hungry, the sick, the dying, and the oppressed, they will always give rise to prayer. In prayer we meet Christ, and in him all human suffering. In service we meet people, and in them the suffering Christ."
- Henri Nouwen


Reading this quote (that's hanging in my room) makes me think of my friend Michelle who is on this exciting journey and trips to Ensenada. So fun and inspiring.

And it makes me think: I need more of that in my life.

More on this to come...

Prophets

Listening to Radiohead reminds me why I believe in prophets.

Clarifying the term would be useful before I go any further. By a prophet I mean someone who is divinely inspired to speak, whether about the future or current, about the nature of human beings or of the super natural. But the divine inspiration is the key, I think. There's people who do everything through their own lenses, by their own effort and strength, using their own wisdom. And then there's those who are keenly aware that they cannot rely on themselves to create, survive, heal, or make sense of the world. Instead, they wait til the divine strikes - and they speak to the people.

At least that's what I believe. And listening to Radiohead makes me think these things, like the divine, because Radiohead sounds so otherworldly beautiful and fascinating.

To clarify some more: no, I don't know if Radiohead consults the heavenly realms for musical decisions. But I'd like to submit that perhaps the heavenly realms touch me through Radiohead anyway (among other things). And I'm so fine with that. If this is a small glimpse or foreshadow of contact with God, I say: Excellent.

Security Blanket

I don't remember the first time I did this; a good guess might be in high school. But it's a habit of mine: Whenever I had just visited home - thus having had my laundry done there - I keep a piece of clothing, something small, unworn. From time to time I pick it up to smell it. It smells like home.

I know, I know, suppose I can just ask Mom what laundry detergent we use at home and then buy it. But that would kill it, wouldn't it?

Yes, folks, I'm back in Melbourne after the long summer break (of traveling to Jakarta to Los Angeles to Jakarta). It was a great time of being with people. I have a wonderful family, friends, and boyfriend. Thanks to all who made the time to laugh with me, to say hi, to give kind words and thoughts, and to share a meal or two. Special thanks to my kind hosts, V and DJ, S and S. What kind of friends let me crash at their place for weeks at a time? The very coolest kind. Highlights and stories from the trip to follow.

The adventure continues.