My friend RK and I had a 2.5 hr lunch yesterday at a fine establishment in Kemang, Jakarta. We've been friends for 11 years, though for the entire time never really lived in the same city. So we catch up and hang out whenever we cross paths, like in yesterday's case. We met through our parents. Quite common in the small bigness of Jakarta. You'd meet a person your age and chances are your uncle dated his uncle's second wife. Seriously. (My other friend E, when I introduced him to RK, remarked: oooh, you, yes, your dad dated my mom when they were younger! Funny stuff)
He had a lot of things to share and so did I; the funny thing is our views and news were drastically different. He had just broken off a 3-yr relationship in which he spent the last 8-9 months debating how to tell her he's done. His father and stepmom (wife #4 or something like that) had recently separated and things sounded bad. He needed to unload a lot of other stuff as well but we understandably spent a lot of time in the relationships department.
Waiting around for my cousin to pick me up we stood by the entrance, I said:
"I think marriage is highly unattractive. Don't you?"
"Why?"
"Because. It's so hard. Supposed to be for the rest of your life?"
"No, no, no. Don't put that much pressure on it. I believe in divorce. Don't be crazy."
RK typically says remarkable (or at least funny) stuff like that. Still, this one made me stop. I had no real comeback, instead just watched him go on about prenuptial agreements, child support, timing to have kids, etc. My ride came, we hugged our byes, promised to chat again soon. Off he went to hail a cab.
So much swirled about my head afterward I'm not sure what to put down. And yet, these thoughts on the institution of marriage seem trivial. No. Naive at best.
I just know that I was sad that day.
Mar 6, 2007
The Institution of Divorce
Labels:
Friends,
Jakarta life
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7 comments:
my old friends who were married for over 60 years in oklahoma used to say "when you marry, plan it forever, cause there is no such thing as plan b." our problem is that we have back up plans. dr. and mrs harlock who married in their late teens right after high school, till held hands during our sunday morning services. they passed away a couple of year ago in their late 80's. i miss them much!
hey, i've been wondering when i would hear from you. i had forgotten about your blogsite until just today. i was wondering if you ever got to see the slide show of your farewell party. if you haven't, here it is.
www.kennyahn.com/callista.
miss ya!
Wow! I never thought of it that way. That is a problem isn't it? The fact that we often opt for an easy way out. That quitting is easier than trying. Wow... Speechless. But then again this comes from someone who said drinking water is sexy? or something like that??
cynth: hhaha, "drinking is a sexual experience." didn't YOU blog about that when it happened? yea you did. may '05. hilarious. we gotta have one of those again. all the parties are present!
ken: thanks! i love 'em photos! wish i cd save 'em as files tho. any way i can?
2612: now that's inspiring.
hi cal! didn't realize you still blogged here. but i hear ya on the fact that marriage is hard...it's kinda scary to me...but i know it's well worth it if it's with the one you love. it's definitely a lifetime commitment...no plan b here.
plan B may work for dinner plans, but not for marriage. of course i'm still single, and by choice... but that's because there is no compromise for life-long love and commitment for me.
if you don't really go into it planning on life then you're certainly a lot less likely to make it. for your friend, it sounds like his plan A was actually try it out and see what happens. to me that's what dating is for, not marriage.
Am I naive, then, for thinking that mine, when it happens one day, will be forever?
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