Scary thought

Sometimes I get scared by what my mind can conjure. Ever get that way? The thought that occurs to you is so intense, deep, and either so evil or so good, that you are taken aback by it the second afterwards?

Anyway.

It's been stressful at work. There are, no joke, 20 something projects that are all due within 5 days of one another. This last week my co-workers worked a lot of hours, cried a few tears, yelled a bunch of expletives (though not at each other), and slept less than usual. Thank goodness for food delivery service and expense accounts. And pizza. And beer. Though we didn't have beer. Not until Friday.

I am surprised by my own ugliness when under duress. I snap at people, don't listen to them, raise my voice, etc. (It's pretty horrendous. I'm beautiful when things go well!!). More than that it's also my attitude. Granted, it's hard to perform when we all can see how things can be improved if only our managers make better decisions. But I don't help the situation by being cranky and whiny - yes, at work, I can be cranky and whiny. Plus, when I complain, then my coworker complains, and then he complains to the next person he sees, and.. and.. and...

Being constructive is harder than I thought. Negativity is so easy; it's the dominant current.

Anyway.

I'm seeing U2 in April; going to Asia in May w/ Sar - and celebrate my birthday by flying across the Pacific; eating Girl Scout Cookies; reading Sermon on the Mount by Fox (v. interesting take on Jesus and his claims, I'm only on the introduction) given to me by one of my vendors who started talking to me about God/Jesus/religion after we realized Mel Gibson was in the table next to us (major star sighting!); listening to the Arcade Fire (can't stop. So good); praying for my friends who are in a tsunami relief effort; anticipating many many great other things.

Happy belated birthday: Oline, Oma Tien, Mama Priscy. Three great women in my life. I love and respect you all.