A vision through a glass, darkly

It's a bit fuzzy.

I was introduced to him, and instantly I was attracted to him. The kind smile. The merry laugh. The deep eyes. He was interesting. He had a regal air about him yet put everyone at ease. It's in the way he talked: thoughtful, passionate, assertive, down-to-earth. It's even more evident in his silence, in the way he listened.

He listened to me like I mattered, like I was important, or delightful. And like I already said, he smiled. My heart decided to skip a beat. How embarrassing.

But I am also skeptical. This is a performance, I thought. It has to be, because no one is that genuine, humble, funny, compassionate, wise, etc. Really. Is he really for real? Is he just toying with me? Why does he look at me like that, like with that smile? He knows something I don't?

I can't say when this was. Time is a strange thing here; it is not linear. Next thing I know I was in my bed, on my side, under the covers, with my eyes closed. I felt him as if he lay next to me, behind me, against me, put his right arm over me and left arm under my pillow, rested his head behind mine, until I was wrapped in his embrace. I knew this because I felt it but not because I sensed it. I felt his warmth, but not his body. I felt his breath on the back of my neck, but not his lips. His heartbeat, not his chest.

And we lay there still, breathing in a rhythm. I wondered if I should move, but I didn't; neither did he. I thought I should, but I couldn't, or didn't want to. I don't know, I can't say.

I felt safe. I belonged there.

And then I heard him through the quiet. His breathing had not changed, his lips had not moved; yet I could understand him, as if I were reading his mind - his inaudible thoughts.

I found you at last. I've been looking and waiting for you.
You are beautiful.
We are great together, you and I.
I'm taking you with me.
See the world. Enjoy it. Heal it. Laugh with it. Cry for it.
I'm not going to let you out of my sight.
People are going to see us and see Love.
I am going to make you fall in love with me, the way I have fallen for you.
You'll see.
I'm the one you've been waiting for.
And I'm here now. I'm never leaving. You have me.

Then, in half-belief, please, I said, stay.

Then I woke up.

Oh, just a dream. I lay there in bed, on my side, under the covers, with my eyes open. How curious. What is the deal? Does it mean something? Who was that guy? Why was he so wonderful and safe? Am I going to meet someone like him someday? Did he have a name?

Then, the thought dawned on me, like a shot coming into focus slowly, surely: that it was Jesus.

So no, not a dream, not just a dream.

So yes, please, stay.

For now we see through a glass, darkly
but then face to face
now I know in part
but then shall I know even as also I am known
1 corinthians 13.12